I was "informed" that I left the best of the best out and I should blog it for some strange reason....so here it is...
I was probably 5, 6 or 7 and was visiting my Aunt Jean. Jean is my Mom's only sibling. Also there was my Papa, Granny, both my sisters, Uncle Vincent and my cousins Jim & Dave.
Anyways I was down at the barn with Jean and something happened that made Jean say, "well fuck of duck." I thought about this for the entire day trying to figure this out. The next morning everyone was sitting around the table for breakfast. Jean was cooking and I was standing on a stool, I suppose helping (more like getting in the way) when I inquired, "Jean, why would you want to fuck of duck?" The room went silent and my question was never answered....they probably started talking about the weather or something.
So at a rip young age I managed to drop the f-bomb without evening knowing what it meant. hmmmmm....maybe I should call and ask again.
Someday I'll tell you the inappropriate place to utter "shitfire".
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
Dialing Up the Past
Just spent the last 3 hours on the phone with my oldest sister in Virginia. We had a walk through of our childhoods and I laughed until I couldn't laugh anymore. Some of the highlights:
Riding in the car with our grandparents and I asked, "does anybody want a Reese Cup with a worm in it?" Our sister Becky immediately said, "I do!" Moments later there was scream and Becky said, "it does have a worm in it." My grandfather nearly wrecked the car, my grandmother snatched the candy and by our best guess, it's probably sailing over China now. I was probably 6 when that happened.
Kay recalled the 3 worst whippings she ever got. One was for being in the neighbor, Mrs. Bean's garden and refusing to come out after my Dad told her too. He had to go after her. Second was her moment of complete stupidity when she slapped our Mom. The long arm of Dad came from around the corner to get her that time. Third time was when she convinced a 4 year me to eat these berries. Yeah it was pretty bad as I was rushed to the hospital with a stomach full of poisonous berries. I almost bit the dust that night as did my sister.
We laughed about Becky's cat "Rosebud" who adored Becky but also bullied her. This cat would sleep on Beck's head and if she moved the cat would bite her. One night the cat decided to sleep with me. I went to move the cat out of my bed and the darn thing bite me, I muttered a four letter word, and Becky speaks up, "don't hurt her." I shot putted that cat across the bedroom and she landed on the dresser. All the noise caused our parents to come running because Becky was screaming at this point. I'll never forget Becky crying over that cat because she thought she was hurt, well hell I was the one bleeding....could anyone say band-aid?????
Then there was the time Kay nailed me into the apple tree. That made Mom mad, might have been because she had to climb the tree to get me out?
When we were younger we all slept in the same bed. One night we had been jumping on the bed and our parents had repeatedly warned us. The bed broke and when we heard out parents feet hit the floor, our 3 asses hit the bed and pretended to be asleep. The bed was cockeyed and we were sliding off of it but we were "asleep." We all three got a spanking that night.
My grandmother use to get her hair fixed every Thursday. It was one of those updo type beehive deals. She came back after getting it fixed and I told her I'd fix her hair. She sat there and let me completely destroy what she had just paid to have done. They use to make the cans of color spray for hair and Granny always had a can of "Gray". I used the entire can on her head, combed her hair all over the place...she had the Don King look going before Don King. When my Papa got home he said, "Rube what happened to your hair?" She told him I fixed it, he gave me $5.00 for doing such a good job. The next day, she paid to have her hair fixed again.
Our grandparents let us get by with just about anything. Let me rephrase...Kay got by with 90%, Becky 95%, me 150%. I was the darling angel baby. My Papa didn't think I ever did anything wrong. He'd give me quarter for every pine cone I picked up out of the yard and another quarter to throw them at my sisters and Granny. He gave me $5.00 for sticking one in my Dad's mouth when he was asleep snoring. Being that this was my Mom's parents she didn't find the humor in him paying me to be "bad."
Enough for tonight....you just had to be there....but I still style hair for $5.00 and under!
Riding in the car with our grandparents and I asked, "does anybody want a Reese Cup with a worm in it?" Our sister Becky immediately said, "I do!" Moments later there was scream and Becky said, "it does have a worm in it." My grandfather nearly wrecked the car, my grandmother snatched the candy and by our best guess, it's probably sailing over China now. I was probably 6 when that happened.
Kay recalled the 3 worst whippings she ever got. One was for being in the neighbor, Mrs. Bean's garden and refusing to come out after my Dad told her too. He had to go after her. Second was her moment of complete stupidity when she slapped our Mom. The long arm of Dad came from around the corner to get her that time. Third time was when she convinced a 4 year me to eat these berries. Yeah it was pretty bad as I was rushed to the hospital with a stomach full of poisonous berries. I almost bit the dust that night as did my sister.
We laughed about Becky's cat "Rosebud" who adored Becky but also bullied her. This cat would sleep on Beck's head and if she moved the cat would bite her. One night the cat decided to sleep with me. I went to move the cat out of my bed and the darn thing bite me, I muttered a four letter word, and Becky speaks up, "don't hurt her." I shot putted that cat across the bedroom and she landed on the dresser. All the noise caused our parents to come running because Becky was screaming at this point. I'll never forget Becky crying over that cat because she thought she was hurt, well hell I was the one bleeding....could anyone say band-aid?????
Then there was the time Kay nailed me into the apple tree. That made Mom mad, might have been because she had to climb the tree to get me out?
When we were younger we all slept in the same bed. One night we had been jumping on the bed and our parents had repeatedly warned us. The bed broke and when we heard out parents feet hit the floor, our 3 asses hit the bed and pretended to be asleep. The bed was cockeyed and we were sliding off of it but we were "asleep." We all three got a spanking that night.
My grandmother use to get her hair fixed every Thursday. It was one of those updo type beehive deals. She came back after getting it fixed and I told her I'd fix her hair. She sat there and let me completely destroy what she had just paid to have done. They use to make the cans of color spray for hair and Granny always had a can of "Gray". I used the entire can on her head, combed her hair all over the place...she had the Don King look going before Don King. When my Papa got home he said, "Rube what happened to your hair?" She told him I fixed it, he gave me $5.00 for doing such a good job. The next day, she paid to have her hair fixed again.
Our grandparents let us get by with just about anything. Let me rephrase...Kay got by with 90%, Becky 95%, me 150%. I was the darling angel baby. My Papa didn't think I ever did anything wrong. He'd give me quarter for every pine cone I picked up out of the yard and another quarter to throw them at my sisters and Granny. He gave me $5.00 for sticking one in my Dad's mouth when he was asleep snoring. Being that this was my Mom's parents she didn't find the humor in him paying me to be "bad."
Enough for tonight....you just had to be there....but I still style hair for $5.00 and under!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Off To See the Wizard.....
I'm heading out of town tomorrow for an audit. It should be interesting because we've never done anything with this contractor and to add more fun to this is the fact that they are bending over backwards for me. I can't go into details but I really don't like people trying to kiss my arse!
On the homefront....had the fellow show up to take the room measurements for the new flooring. He's going to order the materials tomorrow and we've scheduled the week of September 12th for them to install the ceramic tile. Plus I had him measure the foyer and living room for hardwood floors. Going to try to get that picked out before labor day weekend and have them back to put that down in October. I'll be patient about the dining room but that carpet has to go also! Then we'll move this gravy train upstairs to start ripping up carpet again. I would be happy to never have another stitch of carpet in this house again!
On the homefront....had the fellow show up to take the room measurements for the new flooring. He's going to order the materials tomorrow and we've scheduled the week of September 12th for them to install the ceramic tile. Plus I had him measure the foyer and living room for hardwood floors. Going to try to get that picked out before labor day weekend and have them back to put that down in October. I'll be patient about the dining room but that carpet has to go also! Then we'll move this gravy train upstairs to start ripping up carpet again. I would be happy to never have another stitch of carpet in this house again!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
So I Took the Summer Off....
Yeah yeah I know there have been no posts since May 1. I didn't fall off the face of the earth....I just fell into a textbook with a professor from hell. The a-hole is an IT professor who told 26 or 27 students that everything we thought we knew about accounting was wrong and that maybe we should change professions? Big a-hole....after receiveing my grade I have done something I've never done....I complained to the Dean and Department Head, currently my grade is being challenged...yeah I should have probably let it go (I was GIVEN a B) but if this crap head had done his job then he would have realized I earned an A. On our final paper, he commented that I didn't have references, title page, index or table of contents...well all of these were present and accounted for...he's current defense I didn't count off on her paper for these items...WELL APPARENTLY YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ THE PAPER OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED SO MUCH INFORMATION...especially the title page jackass!
End of rant!
End of rant!
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